I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
