I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
