you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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