the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
do herpes really smell.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
