FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
