the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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