Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
