I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
