no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
