who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
