i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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