Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
