took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
