I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
