I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We had to coat check the pizza.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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