yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
