He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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