I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
