she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
