Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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