You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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