You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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