I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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