I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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