Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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