Little spoons don't ask big questions
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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