yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
