My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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