The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
