woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
