Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize