just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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