ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
