is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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