Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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