i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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