Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
