I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
