why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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