Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
