My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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