Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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