so explain again why im purple
no
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
