the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pants are for mortals
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
