Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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