can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
