i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
