fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
