I'm drive I can fine osifer
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
