I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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