Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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