you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
