i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize