i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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