After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
