he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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