he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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