Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
