oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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