I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
