The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
