just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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