2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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