I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
