Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
