this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
