Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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