Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.