Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.

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(949): She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree. http://tfl.nu/gm08

Replies (3) Good night (1294) Bad night (491)
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(805): View more from California

My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.

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(805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping. http://tfl.nu/dvm6

Replies (10) Good night (802) Bad night (951)
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(239): View more from Florida

I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.

(239): View more from Florida

I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.

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(239): I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning. (239): I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais. http://tfl.nu/n26p

Replies (18) Good night (725) Bad night (1410)
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(124): View more from

Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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(124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u

Replies (107) Good night (32001) Bad night (1504)
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(210): View more from Texas

no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.

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(210): no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here. http://tfl.nu/1kwe

Replies (8) Good night (1381) Bad night (3686)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

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(402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c

Replies (30) Good night (8080) Bad night (1041)
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(773): View more from Illinois

You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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(773): You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930. http://tfl.nu/kxnv

Replies (14) Good night (3101) Bad night (934)
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(607): View more from New York

Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?

(607): View more from New York

Nevermind, it's in the dryer.

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(607): Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head? (607): Nevermind, it's in the dryer. http://tfl.nu/r8jx

Replies (6) Good night (3430) Bad night (908)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?

(1-217): View more from Illinois

Vomiting outside the employee entrance

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(217): Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me? (1-217): Vomiting outside the employee entrance http://tfl.nu/gco9

Replies (15) Good night (7249) Bad night (1647)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."

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(201): A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore." http://tfl.nu/zlen

Replies (22) Good night (3714) Bad night (1785)
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(602): View more from Arizona

If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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(602): If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for. http://tfl.nu/540a

Replies (17) Good night (1704) Bad night (432)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza

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(484): Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza http://tfl.nu/hmnl

Replies (0) Good night (1110) Bad night (478)
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(239): View more from Florida

Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course

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(239): Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course http://tfl.nu/4x8m

Replies (2) Good night (652) Bad night (319)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.

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(847): Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night. http://tfl.nu/o2i2

Replies (1) Good night (565) Bad night (291)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET

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(203): YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET http://tfl.nu/hmex

Replies (2) Good night (321) Bad night (242)

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