I cannot find my penis.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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