Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

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(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka http://tfl.nu/4spi

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(631): View more from New York

so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

(631): View more from New York

what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

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(631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47

Replies (34) Good night (7164) Bad night (1275)
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(917): View more from New York City

He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

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(917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b

Replies (8) Good night (7069) Bad night (1301)
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(937): View more from Ohio

you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters

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(937): you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters http://tfl.nu/ru5h

Replies (9) Good night (3380) Bad night (882)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

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(734): I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. http://tfl.nu/46aj

Replies (5) Good night (1912) Bad night (1082)
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(928): View more from Arizona

im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was

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(928): im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was http://tfl.nu/g5u7

Replies (4) Good night (2265) Bad night (850)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple

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(502): i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple http://tfl.nu/806d

Replies (4) Good night (1681) Bad night (801)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?

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(989): Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ? http://tfl.nu/oaz9

Replies (5) Good night (1191) Bad night (686)
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(206): View more from Washington

At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .

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(206): At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks . http://tfl.nu/kxjn

Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (714)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.

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(203): we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date. http://tfl.nu/dia7

Replies (9) Good night (714) Bad night (1320)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

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(413): Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens. (1-413): A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck. http://tfl.nu/qib0

Replies (9) Good night (1353) Bad night (502)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.

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(630): I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver. http://tfl.nu/scdz

Replies (5) Good night (875) Bad night (428)
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(573): View more from Missouri

You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.

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(573): You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night. http://tfl.nu/alam

Replies (6) Good night (1194) Bad night (379)
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(619): View more from California

Then again, he has huge mansions.

(619): View more from California

*manboobs.

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(619): Then again, he has huge mansions. (619): *manboobs. http://tfl.nu/0ptq

Replies (3) Good night (270) Bad night (551)
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(216): View more from Ohio

When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...

(1-216): View more from Ohio

I can't

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(216): When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter... (1-216): I can't http://tfl.nu/0pin

Replies (4) Good night (154) Bad night (600)

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