No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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