For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
