Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
