i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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