STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
