You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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