Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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