I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
