where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
