oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
