1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can Purell be used as lube?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
